Sushi for beginners

I'll Be Back?...And so I am....

2009-04-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

Ahh...... return? After 3 years.... w0w.... and I'm a mother of two n0w..... :) :)

late night blogging!

2006-02-25T11:43:00.000-08:00

*sigH* i have a cold...again! and i had just started to bounce back..... gotten my energy..... had started workin...n working out.....blah! and now i'll be darn weak again.....

oh well! at least i caught it in time this time and am tryin to avoid anti biotics! and to think i had thought of a diet for myself......

Yumna's learned my secon bro's name as well... so now she's pretty good at every one's names... mine, her dad's .... both grand mas... (dadi is grandma on father's side, while nani is gran on mum's side in our lingo) she says grand pa too....she knows most of her cousins' names..... all in all.... she's catchin pretty fast....

hey...any one have any idea how to earn quick, fast cash?

this mnth we recieved water tax as well as property tax notice....so all our savings went into that. (ofcourse our income tax is deducted every month be4 Fawad's salary reaches us!) taxes suck! lol! and i had saved for a cool couch i saw.... so now I'm totally nil as far as cash goes....

Yap Yap Yap...

2006-02-22T14:04:00.000-08:00

Gosh, it is late... 3 in the morning actually....or maybe one should say, rather early. LOL! I had a few mails to write so i had to wait for Yumna to go to sleep. Would u beieve she sleeps after 12!! no matter what time i put her to bed she falls asleep after 12! Hmmph!
Well, all done with 'em formal letters, Thank God.
What is it that I hear abt a world wide strike on the 3rd of March? If all the muslims are participating, count me in!
What else? my hubby's going to his company's annual dinner Friday night- no guests alloweed...i dont believe it! Annual dinners are supposed to be events where spouses are allowed, no?
yap yap yap....lol! there I go!
G'night....... *yAwN*
hmmm....
LOL

the way to my heart!!

2006-02-19T22:38:00.000-08:00

Its funny...once u r a mom there are quite a few ways around ur heart.... one of the easiest ways is to praise ur kids.... lol
Ever since this person i disliked commented that Yumna is by far the smartest kid he's met...well..... 4 the life of me, i can't seem to remember y i disliked him so.... and when i do try to remember, all i can come up with are stuff he's said and done which make him a much better, kinder, sweeter person than i thought he was.... hmm....
it turns out my brother dislikes him too..... maybe once he has kids.....
lol

2006-02-17T05:50:00.000-08:00

we lost....so at least that proves it wasnt fixed!!

but... *sob* we lost the !#%^#@ series!!! 3-1!!

of fixed matches....

2006-02-16T11:16:00.000-08:00

Watching the cricket match…Pakistan Vs India at the moment…guess who’s losing? Pakistan!! But of course my husband claims we will win. I am crazy about cricket. C-R-A-Z-Y!! Big time!
Recently though, it has started depressing me. My husband claims that the matches are all decided before hand. Ah, another four! We just might make it through!! As I was saying, my hubby claims they are fixed…. He knows someone who knows the bookies…. And well…. Since these matches are being held in Pakistan, that guy knows who will win before the match. Do I believe him? I am not so sure. I like to think of my players as honest people. I mean, what will be left to cricket if both the teams sit and decide who will win what math and how!! Almost like they are actually playing to entertain the world…. Like the wrestling thing… and NO, I am not crazy about wrestling.
Hmm….seems to me these two batsmen are settling down.
Okay, enough about cricket. Yumna just had fries and bit of soft drink. So much for my being strict and not allowing my kids to drink these fizzy drinks… ah well…as long as it’s in control….. her eating is so much better now Alhamdulillah….
I think that’s enough for now…. I’ll watch the match for now…. Fixed or not…. The batting is great at the moment….and…ouch! stop it Yumna….I’m getting off…honest! Tc:/

Of....erm....worms!!

2006-02-13T22:57:00.000-08:00

After wondering, pondering and fretting over what might be wrong with Yumna my cleaning lady told me, “My, look at her stomach, she has worms, I tell you.”
Right!
I paid no heed.
Yumna got worse. No eating, not even taking milk. I tried to force her and she’d throw up. And of course the insistent cleaning lady.
So I took her to her doctor and asked her opinion. After doing a checkup and asking a few questions, like whether she was restless during the night….y-es; and whether she had any nappy rashes….well, she develops rashes real quickly but always take action as soon as I see any hint of rashes so I don’t let those develop…but yeah, she seems prone to rashes.
I was given medication for her. For intestinal worms as well as better digestion! But….worms? according to her doctor, all yumna had to do was come in contact with some other kid who had worms and….! So that means ……what? How am I supposed to make sure the kids she meets in my living area, parks, malls….. don’t have intestinal worms?! Whoa!
Sure enough, I gave her the one time medicine for worms at night and in the morning, after she passed stool, her stomach size was back to normal and she was even hungry!!
Her appetite is not what it used to be but I know it will take time….and I am trying to be patient…. Playing train, ring o ring o roses etc…. what ever it takes to pass her time!!
But……..worms?!?!

Whiny blog writer

2006-01-20T11:07:00.000-08:00

I have been awy for the longest time :-/
And today.... i think I'll bore everyone with mu whining!!
I just cant seem to get my life in control. I somehow find it hard to live up to my responsibilty (though God knows its not a lot) I have to take care of Yumna, our flat, cook a few meals and do a few chores around the house (I even have a helping hand... a cleaning lady comes everyday!!)
How come I still feel I cant cope? the cleaning lady does her side of the job and my side is left undone...and teh house never does look clean!! Ofcourse Yumna is lways after getting things outta whereever she can find them...but like...I'm at home all day long with little else to do.... i shud be able to keep the house clean atleast?
Then there's Yumna. she seems to have changed. she was such a cool child to have...now she doesn't let me out of her ight, why? I can not go to another room without causing her to burst into tears. Cant go to teh bathroom even. Are all kids like that? Now Yumna used to be so different. Always smiles, laughs, jokes..... playing peek-a-boo, pillow fighting...and what not! now, may be it's because she was ill recently...but...i dont know.... what is wrong with my poor baby! My parents are away for Haj, so maybe she is missing them... she was awefully close to them.... but she's even stopped eating! she will not eat anything i feed her. Even though i know she's hungry! why? Maybe I'm doing something wrong? I've recently started feeling maybe I am not a good mom, nor a good wife. Maybe i am not up to teh responsibility at all.
does everybody goes thru these phases or is it just me?
I love my baby..
I love my husband....
I am a bit lazy by nature...but I've never dodged something really important...
where have i gone wrong?

Monday Memories

2006-01-01T11:07:00.000-08:00

This is about when I was 16 or 17- back in my O levels. It was my cousin’s wedding and we were all putting on henna. My cousin’s sister had flown to Pakistan especially for the wedding. She is settled in US. We were seeing her after 6-7 years and for people who meet at least once a week 6 years is a long time. Understandably I was feeling a bit shy and awkward around her.
After I had henna put on my palms by a henna specialist I waited for it to dry off because I had to go for my physics extra class. I could not pick my books with wet henna. Always the immature, childish girl in the family I stood under the fan to accelerate the process. After a while I started rotating at 180 degrees with my hands stretched out (as in Kate Winslet in Titanic) Ahem- yes, there were people seated on sofas all around me and I was chatting gaily with them… you see what I mean by immature. :p
Suddenly I decided to take a 360 degree turn. Time was running out, I could be late for an important class. At the precise moment my cousin (yes, the one from US) decided to rush to answer the phone that had chosen that precise dratted moment to ring.
*WHACK*
Ah, you probably have guessed what happened. It was my palm and her face! No only did I spoil one of the most beautiful pieces of henna that I’d ever seen but I also hurt her hard (the slap was h-a-r-d! My palm hurt so imagine how her face felt!) If that was not enough, it was special quick colour henna and there was a chance her face might get oranges in her own sister’s wedding!
For what seemed like eternity we both stood there not really believing what had happened. Then someone rushed her to the nearest bathroom to wash the muck off her face. I ran after her to help out all the while apologizing. She was quiet and I don’t blame her. She was probably trying to control her temper till she was cool enough to see the funny side of it.
During this episode I forgot to wash the spoiled henna from my hand and as a result the spread henna caught colour and my henna was spoiled.
Wanna hear the rest of it? When I finally did reach my class I was late. A friend of mine had just broken up with her boy friend and was in a bad bad mood. Everyone was trying to cheer her up but no one could get a smile out of her face. I was in my usual tempo not really having grasped the enormity of her situation and launched into the story of my spoiled henna. After hearing it my friend burst out laughing!!
Somehow I did not think my cousin would have found it that funny.
And all my male cousins (who all hate henna) were of the belief that I would thrust my henna into their face without a backward glance. (Which I never would. I care too much for the artwork!!) But it certainly helped in teasing them and taking a threatening step towards them. It would get them all running in opposite direction. :p

Of Henna and Brides

2005-12-26T05:50:00.000-08:00

My cousin is getting married in a few days...and as per tradition we had mehndi (henna) put on today.... *sgH* certainly brought back memories...
The bride normally puts on henna on hands and feel. From finger tips to elbows in normal cases and at times even on the fore arms... needless to say it takes real long to have delicate henna put on.....and even longer to let it dry. It took the lady four plus hours to put henna on my hands and feet when I was getting married. Can you believe having to sit that long without moving, lest you spoil the delicate lines she put on? well, i'm a restless person by nature and I kept asking her for breaks.... lol... she got so tired of me in the end she shedded her polite front and got quite brusque with me. I tried telling her it was her i was thinking of and not me... but.... oh well.... in the end she told me to keep the henna on as long as I could.... for the colour to be dark as possible. Over here, there is a superstition which says that the colour of the bride indicate how much her husband will love her. The darker the better. When I got engaged, the henna colour was darkest ppl had ever seen. The wedding colour was not that dark... *sgH*.... but I stopped believing that superstion (ie if i had ever any belief in them anyway!!) when my friend kept the henna on for hours and hours and hours... (nearly 36 hrs!) and she didn't get any colour worth mentioning...and she has a husband who dotes on her like anything..!!

My cousin will have it put on tomorrow... hopefully she will get good colour....

Henna puttoing is soooo much fun... everything abt it has its own charm... *gRn*... even getting small menial tasks done by others... so as not to spoil the wet henna! lol!

Of Handsets and Heads!

2005-12-19T21:24:00.000-08:00

My brother recently installed an antivirus in my cell phone. I had never thought the day might come when people would need anti viruses in their cells! I mean... huh?! Of course the fact that I now ger a message from this antivirus almost everyday to update it and visit the ite and blah blah isof no consequence to my bro! but... an anti virus in a cell.... *sgH*... *shake of head*.... what is the world coming to!

Another thing. When my husband gifted Nokia 6600 to me- I was on cloud 9. It was the *in* thing. Not many people had it. It was one-of-a-kind cell phone. It was way way way expensive too. Now, just over 18 months later, it somehow feels ancient. People around me have changed their cell phones at least 3 or 4 times during this priod... and I'm *still* with this hand set?! What is this cell phone mania anyway? A new cell in the market and suddenly everyone wants it. They do not care about the cost...and the fact whether it is worth it.I mean, I only use my cell for sms, few phone calls and surfing at times- do i really want the *best* in the market for that?

Thinking, I decided no matter how ancient my cell phone feels like- I am *not* changing it! I happen to like it, I am comfortable with it's functions/options and over all it is a pretty good set.

AND if anyone dare comments on how Nokia 6600 is a slow set anymore.... I'll.... I'll......

Hmmm.......I dont know what I'll do :-/

Besides, I can't afford a new set anyway!!

:-/

Eric Segal's Love Story

2005-12-19T01:57:00.000-08:00

What can you say about a twenty-five year old girl who died? That she was beautiful. And brilliant. That she loved Mozart and Bach. And the Beatles. And me. Once, when she specifically lumped me with those musical types, I asked her what the order was, and she replied, smiling, “Alphabetical.” At the time I smiled too. But now I sit and wonder whether she was listing me by my first name- in which case I would trail Mozart- or by my last name, in which case I would edge in there between Bach and the Beatles. Either way I don’t come first, which for some stupid reason bothers the hell out of me, having grown up with the notion that I always had to be number one. Family heritage, don’t you know?

Somehow, that bothered me too… but, can you think of a better beginning? And gosh, did Jenny really have to die? Then again, had she not, it would’ve been an average love story. Now, it certainly is not. A Radcliffe music major and a Harvard jock falling in love… they really had not much in common. Except that both of them were atheists, and both of them were totally in love. What gets to me most is how little time Erich Segal gave them together. Another twenty-odd years wouldn’t be amiss… but ah well….. I loved the book.

The beginning grips you totally...as does the end! but still..... did she *have* to die...

Once Upon A Bedtime

2005-12-15T21:36:00.000-08:00

It’s important to read bedtime stories to children- both for them and for you. The benefits for children are well known: reading opens up language centers in the brain in a way computer games and TV do not; it helps get children to settle; and it’s important to have that one on one attention and close physical contact. But parents win too, through the chance to relax the mind and drift away with stories.
Melbourne psychologist John Irvine believes parents who think they are too busy to read are missing the opportunity to end the day with their children on a good note. “You need to unpack the day and snuggle into bed feeling all is well with the world,” he says. “Books are good fore parents who are tired, or feel they are not good at playing, because they tell the story.”
-Claire Konkes in ‘The Australian’

hmm.... this i found quite interesting.... but my lovely lil daughter snatches the book from me, closes it, says 'und' (closed) and tosses it aside :p :p

what have psychiatrists got to say for that!!

Duped!!

2005-12-11T21:44:00.001-08:00

I groaned when I heard the bell. Okay, so I knew it was around mid day and I should’ve been up; but I honestly hadn’t felt like leaving the bed and since Yumna was peacefully asleep I was keen to make use of the extra time to rest. Who could it be? No one came up without getting through the guard and the guard made sure the residents were informed about their guests before the guests were allowed up. Sigh.
I got up, swayed on my feet and sat on the edge of the bed to let the vertigo pass. It also seemed that my left leg had gone numb. The whole of it! Well, let ‘em wait! Grr!
After I made sure I would be okay on my feet I went to the door. A man I had never seen before. Who the hell was he and why hadn’t I been told on the intercom first.

“Good day ma’am. For the anniversary of the best pizza in town, we decided to…….”
A salesman?!?!?!
Anniversary? Best pizza? Huh?! I wish I was in my full form at that time, but I was still reeling from the vertigo and the numb feet effects. He was offering me these discount vouchers. Buy 1 get 1 free vouchers. I knew for a fact that they were *not* especially for the anniversary since I had politely declined to buy the very voucher a few months back at my mom’s place. I also knew that the marketing company that the salesman worked for specialized in such vouchers since my parents had owned a number of them over time.
I told the man politely that I did not like the pizza by that particular pizza shop. Best pizza in town? Bah! He started on telling me how the management had recently changed and the pizzas were so much better now. But why should I waste so much when I haven’t tasted the new pizza? Who knows whether I like it or not? He replied there was one special coupon which would get me my first pizza free. On that first free pizza I would have gotten my money value- and even if I didn’t like it, I could give the coupon away since I already had my money’s worth. I could go give it to my enemy!! Erm! Salesmen!
So it was me against him and I wasn’t in my best form and I thought just saying and abrupt no and shutting my door and as a result? I bought the vouchers!! Double Grr! Who had let him up anyway!
Taking the voucher back in and reading it I discovered a few facts he had not let me know. For example, the free pizza deal was only till December 2005. I had a little over two weeks. And it was a regular pizza, not a large one, as he had hinted. So I wouldn’t get my money’s worth in that one pizza, especially if I had to pay the tax on that pizza and every free pizza I bought! I wouldn’t even get half my money’s worth! And lastly, I did not have one year to enjoy the rest of the coupons as he had said. The voucher expired July 2006. 4 months short of the time he gave me. Somewhat back to my normal form I ran to the door to look around if he was still there for the other flats on my floor. I couldn’t see him. I sighed.
10 minute later a neighbor called me up to ask about these coupons. I told her what I’d discovered and she was indignant. Why hadn’t I told her before. She had already bought the card. Seems the guy told her he only had 5 vouchers and 3 were already sold. (Another ploy they always use- I have a lot of knowledge about them since some one or other was always coming around my parents’ place!) Now, there are around 60 apartments in the building that I live. How was I supposed to call everyone? I kept quiet as she went on about how it was a neighbor’s duty… I knew how she felt. I felt worse since I had dealt with so many of them in the past...how could I loose my form?
A call to the guard informed me that he was unaware a salesman had walked up. What is the world coming to?! May be some excuse on the salesman part had let him get through? Or maybe he passed himself off as a resident? A confident stride, not looking at the guard and looking as if he belonged here. Whatever. It was over. I’d have to make use of this discount voucher. Maybe I could get away with not making dinner for a few days. :p :p

PS: We had the pizza. It wasn’t bad. Albeit expensive.

2005-12-04T21:23:00.000-08:00

I have been away for a few weeks now. I missed the blog. But it could not be helped .Lets see now, I’ve been busy. Very busy- being ill! After a bout of high fever and asthmatic cough right after Ramadan- I was afflicted by general weakness. Only, the vertigos seemed to last forever and my backache prevented me from sitting on hard surfaces!! My lower back was in bad bad shape. Of course the fast that I looked like someone who was in her last days goes without saying. My skin has gone real bad!!

I have been taking vitamins, calcium and iron for the past few weeks and have had calcium and multivitamins injected! My doc advised me not to get iron injected because that is supposed to really painful and I am weak as it is!!

Yumna is now on bottled milk! It could not be helped. My appetite had all gone and she wanted a lot of milk. One of the reasons for my weakness was this.

I have improved, yes. The back ache is there- but only a small percentage of it. I have started eating well again- and I have been suppressing the anorexic in me that keeps warning me I’m gaining weight! It doesn’t matter- it doesn’t matter- it doesn’t… lol! That is what it has been like for me!

It was so bad at one stage that I went and stayed with mom for a week. That is an amazing thing about moms, no? They are always there for you. No matter how old you get! Thanks, mom. Love you. :)

Murphy.

2005-11-18T09:45:00.000-08:00

Where do I start? Do I start from when I started suspecting there was something wrong- something threatening, about my daughter’s pet cat? Or do I start from when I had definite proof that the cat was trouble? Do I talk about the aura of evil that the big Tom emancipated? Or do I write about how the mice he killed were sucked dry rather than ripped open, the way it is normally done. Am I blabbing? I’m sorry, but I’m scared witless. Vampire cat? I believe this is much much worse than that. I’m alone in the room, with Sophia, of course. Sophia, my daughter. The room is locked. I have a Smith and Wesson with me but I’m a poor shot. I also have a baseball bat and a hockey stick. I’m hoping it does not come down to that. Stephen King’s Pet Cemetery keeps coming to my mind. It’s only me and my daughter. No. This can not be happening to me. No.

We got Murphy three months ago. We named him Murphy for the lack of better options. Sophia didn’t want to name him Tom. She always feels sorry for Tom. She said it would either be Murphy or Jerry…. But I’m slipping away from the topic at hand.

When I look back and think, I believe it was Murphy who chose us, rather than us choosing him. He purred at Sophia’s feet, licked and tried and failed to act all modest, charming and irresistible. Then again seeing as Sophia wanted him despite my reluctance, maybe he didn’t. As we had gotten into the car, I believe he shot me a look- a look to say he won round one. At that time I thought it was my imagination. Now I believe it wasn’t

I have, at occasions also felt that maybe there really is black magic and maybe what’s inside Murphy is not a cat’s soul. I believe it is the influence of Child’s Play. Chucky, Murphy. Evil- Murphy is evil. And this is no Pet Cemetery or Child’s Play. This is real life. And I am an educated mother with a respectable job. I am also a widow. I also think Murphy had something to do with my husband’s death. A hunch. A very strong hunch. But again, I am getting ahead of myself.

Do I continue or do I just give up? As i did last time, and the time before that, and.... sigh! And I cant seem to think up a name for this... any ideas?

2005-11-14T02:35:00.000-08:00

A Woman is like a wave. When she feels loved her self esteem rises and falls in a wave motion. When she is feeling really good, she will reach a peak, but then suddenly her mood may change and her wave crashes down. The crash is temporary. After she reaches bottom suddenly her mood will shift and she will again feel good about herself. Automatically her wave begins to rise back up.
When a woman’s wave rises she feels she has an abundance of love to give, but when it falls she feels her inner emptiness and needs to be filled up with love. This time of bottoming out is a time for emotional housecleaning.
If she has suppressed any negative feelings or denied herself in order to be more loving on the upswing of her wave, then on the downswing she begins to experience these negative feelings and unfulfilled needs. During this down time she especially needs to talk about problems and be heard and understood.
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John gray

This struck too close to home! Which is why I felt the need to share. I’ve often felt, to have a happy relationship with husband and family, love is simply not enough. Money plays a role too, as does understanding each other’s nature and feelings. By money, I certainly do not mean there should be an abundance of it- but there should be enough to make the ends meet- comfortably! To understand each other as an individual as well as a woman/man is of ultimate importance. Reading John Gray not only gave me an insight to what kind of nature men have and how it is different from ours’; it also helped me towards a greater understanding of my nature, my mood swings and feelings.

This & That & Pendgragon

2005-11-10T15:12:00.000-08:00

I have been ill. Since teh past week, I have had fever shooting up to 103, 104 F, coughing fits... hours long, a blocked nose which has been a continues nuisance and a headache. The ENT gave me a list of medicines i have to take and just last night I stuffed half a dozen pills down my throat. Not pretty. Not good.

So I went to a book store which sells old books to have somethng to do when I can't lie down in fear of another fit coming up. Couldn't find a single book that interested me, so I picked onebook whose author sounded somewhat fimiliar. Actually, the only book I'd read by her was strictly okay. Catherine Coulter. The book Pendragon.

The story was *very* predictable. The sex scenes not as elaborate as Johanna Lindsey or Judith Mcnaught; of that I was extremely greatful I have stopped reading those two because their books seemed more towards pornography than the actual story. To make matters worse the stories had loop holes!!

Ah well, back to Pendragon. Again, a strictly okay read.

Maggie, the female lead, is in love with her cousin who is 11 years older than her and engaged to someone else. He then marries his fiancee and our poor broken hearted heroine is shattered.

A few twists and she's married off to Thomas Malcombe. She cares a great deal about him but doesn't love him. He loves her and after a few hours of marriage discovers her love for her cousin.

Betrayal, hurt, jeaousy- Coulter has tried to portray these emotions. And no, I did not feel the betrayal or hurt the way i do in an extremely well writ book.
It does have a happy ending as do most books, and is equipped with a mystery as well.

Yumna spent the day with her grandmother so i was left to do as I wished. Ofcourse I finished the 343 page book in record timing. I always do- which is why I believe I shouldn't start a book. I neglect the house chores just to get it finished off.

I spend my Eidi to buy this book... they do take it back for half the price.... hmm... maybe I'll get some of my money back....

If only I'd feel better soon. This is really getting to me. And I dont feel hungry anymore. Which is a pity, since i never loose wieght by not eating. What a shame, I wont be eating much and still not loose weight. And no, 7 days of this viral fever did not make me loose weight either :/

2005-11-03T21:44:00.000-08:00

Eid Day....

Henna, check.
New clothes, check.
a new pair of everything for Yumna, check.
Make up, check.
Coerce, cajole, emotioal blackmail for my hubby to get me a Gelato Affair cake, ckeck :p
Get money from mom for a Gelatto Affair cake- but make your husband get it with his', check :p
Get Eidi ( that's presents in monetary form) from Dad, husband, grans, aunts, uncles and blah blah.... about to anyway :p

Man, I love Eid!!!!

End Of Ramadan....

2005-10-30T11:27:00.000-08:00

Ramadan is at it's end. Another Ramadan gone. This year I tried hard. I tried to give it my best shot. I certainly hope I've succeeded and I will be a better person when this Ramadan has ended and the routine life begins. Some of the things I hope to improve in:

No more gossip. It almost always leads to either passing rumors on or backbiting.

A strict control over my temper.

Same goes for my tongue. Think before I speak. Lest I hurt someone y mistake...

....Or deliberately.

Be Thankful for what I've been given. Not lust after the things I do not have.

Not take the thing's Allah's gifted me for granted. They can be taken away from meanytime.

No lies.

No false promises.

Be more understanding towards my husband, my relatives.

False pride is just that- false!

Start meditating regularly; recite Quran regularly and pay more attention to my prayers.

I'm hoping to get these things right this year.....

Thin line between rumour & truth

2005-10-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

Here's something I recently got in mail.....

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear, or are about to repeat a rumor.

Philosopher Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day he came upon an acquaintance who ran up to himexcitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called theTriple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?”, the person asked
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filterwhat you're going to say.

The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter,
The second filter is that of Goodness.
Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're notcertain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - The filterof Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really"
Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tellit to me at all?"
A thought to be kept in mind whenever the next time we’re tempted to repeat rumours to others

An Update

2005-10-12T10:46:00.000-07:00

The Pakistanis just got to know the government had been warned about the earth quake… some 3-4 years ago. And nothing was done to at least insure quick help in case of emergencies! It has been almost a week and the roads have as yet not been cleared. People from the villages can not come to cities and vice versa. We need to walk an entire day to reach the biggest village… and the one with a huge population. The rest are even farther!
80% of the tax payers’ money goes to the army. Now you’d think they would have the required machines in case of emergencies… they might, you know, if it wasn’t for the huge luxurious houses equipped with cars, servants, club memberships and blah blah that they get. Now when I think of how I need to stick to my budget and how I sigh and fret to live within the budget and our income and then I think of how the tax gets deducted from our income before it reaches us every month and how that tax is used, it really makes my blood boil.
Just last year my dear old Prime Minister ordered 11 cars from abroad… with cost more than 100 million. This for the transport purposes of these high profile personalities. Now a good, luxurious car in Pakistan cost no more than twentieth of what it cost the prime minister. But, well, who cares? It’s the tax payers’ money! The night I heard that I saw a couple of people sleeping under street lights with torn clothes and who looked as if they hadn’t a decent meal in ages. Of course at that time the prime minister probably knew about the earth quake chances.
We, the citizens, are helping ourselves. Not many trust the govt enough to contribute to eh President Relief Fund. People are privately collecting goods and medicines and sending them to the afflicted areas. My dad is collecting donations and buying water proof tents and blankets so that those people at least have a roof on their heads until they rebuild their houses. This, of course, should’ve been already done by the govt but….!!
And to think we did not even elect Musharraf!
I’m sorry this has gone all political but its reality.
No one I’ve talked to believes that the international help will go to the ones it’s sent for! Not most of it any way…and I think they can’t be that heartless…surely not! But then, they were warned before the disaster struck…. And they still got themselves 11 cars rather than use the tax peyers’ money to make sure they were properly equipped to deal with a situation such as this.
Lucky for the afflicted ones, the Pakistanis are not as bad as their govt. Everyone is donating so much and more. People are giving things, medicines, cash like crazy… helping their brothers in need. My heart soared when I heard about how much people have privately collected. Just a day or so ago an acquaintance went to donate some stuff and the queue was so long it took her two and a half hours! And this when the donations are supposed to have slowed!!!

Scaled 7.6

2005-10-11T02:04:00.000-07:00

Pakistan northern areas have suffered from a major earth quake. it struck in the early hours of the morning. Islamabad, the capital was teh big city that suffered. Apart from that dozens of villages suffered. 12 of which are said to be totally flattened with no urvivors. Ofcourse, no one could reach those places to be sure. In Mansera- a village I visited back in May, a school fell with 300-400 kids studying. After two days the govt still hadn't reached to help the alive children out. Ofcourse, I doubt by that time there might not have been many survivors! To top it all, a storm struck in the night. Can u believe it? If some kids were in there alive they'd have drowned!
By now the news is one of the vilage stinks so bad that they will not bother to lift the dead bidies out, they will turn it to a grave yard.
They need things. Injectibles, medicines, water, clothes, shelter. They are poor homeless people who have lost all they had- most of them even their loved ones. the good thing is, the common folk like us are doing all they can to help financially as well as physically. People have hired helicopters to send the goods to the villages. to reach those places by road is not possible anymore.
It is bad. the suffering is awesome. May God Help us all. and help the survivgors get over their friends, family they've lost!

Of protruding stomachs...

2005-10-04T23:33:00.000-07:00

It was exactly one week after I commented on my cousin’s enormous amounts of weight gain that I received a phone call about her having a daughter. Whooops! My reaction was strictly due to shock, surprise and the cringe within. I had to crawl after my dropped jaw to get hold of it and put it in it’s place. Me and my big mouth. And this too after *thinking* how extremely huge my petite aunt was getting and then finding out she was almost full term with her- ahem- twins! That, too, after she delivered of course! Delivered- what a weird term really. Like delivering pizza, or the chili chicken burger…. Like calling up KCF for the free delivery. Then, saying she has delivered twins. Really? Where from? Couldn’t there be a separate term for….*delivering*… babies? *Delivering* sounds like a stork is delivering them!
Coming back to where I deviated from… somewhere during this phase I had my grandma tell me how I should have a sister. How everyone needs a sister…. Gran, I’m eighteen. I do not need a sibling eighteen years younger than me. Then my mother started asking me how I’d like a sibling. My brothers were all for it. Oh well. But why did she ask me? Is she..? Ah, so I started observing my mother very closely indeed. All I knew about pregnancy was what I’d read in a story book. The lady in it had cravings for ice cream in the middle of the night.
She wasn’t expecting. And it was months before I relaxed. Neither was it the first, nor the last time I made horrendous assumptions!
When I was expecting, I found myself staring at every female I came across and branded most of them pregnant. Her stomach’s protruding. So is hers’. Goodness, that one’s probably full term…..
It was funny actually. And obviously a diversion. Like when I was a kid, my cousin and I decided we’d stick out our tongues at everyone on a bike…!!
After having Yumna, I made it a point to seek out every lady with an infant and see whether she was as chubby as I’d become!! *sgH*
I see you wonder... What next…. Believe me when I say *my sentiments exactly!*

PS Happy Ramadan To All Muslims :)

Pride? Or looking for a man?

2005-09-28T22:55:00.000-07:00

I recently wrote a poem I thought reflected me a bit- at least what sort of a person I used to be. A bit is all. Pride- That was what my poem was about really. How we let false pride stop us from getting what we care about. How stubborn we at times get. How we will refuse help, encouragement, support - things we secretly crave; all because of pride.
I believe I changed a lot after my marriage. Mellowed a bit. More gentle, less stubborn. Fiery? Not any more- although the occasional tantrum may surface...
Ah....got off the track. The poem, which I thought was about pride- recieved a comment which politely guided me to a- ahem- dating site!! Oh well, never did say I was a poet. Communication gap? Or maybe the comment was just a part of a scam..... see here for the poem.

Delirious Mind here...

2005-09-27T23:27:00.000-07:00

I have a writer's blog! Whenever I try to write something I just end up staring at the screen and my online time counter clicking away...I just dont know what to do. And another thing that's been getting at me is that I've gained weight- again! I mean, this sux bad. I've been told I'm really weak and I shouldn't risk dieting, but- like- w-e-a-k? with a 28 inch waist? b-a-h! And I'm the all or nothing kinda person. I just can't avoid unhealthy stuff like chocolates, ice creams, condensed sweetened milk etc and take in the healthy low fat stuff! Wish I could do that, I really do. Either i take in everything i want, or nothintg- go on a traditional starve-yourself diet. That will mean more weakness.... s-i-g-h! why does life have to be so difficult? May be I ought to get liposuction done? I wonder how much that would cost? I doubt I can afford it. Besides, I'm sure there are side effects no one knows of, and they'll choose my very body to surface upon!
The road near my place is being reconstructed.Was dug up about a month ago and the authorities seem to have forgotton they dug it up letting huge amounts of traffic on the nearby roads. The fact taht this may cause people problems, emergencies may suffer and blah blah is just that to them- b-l-a-h! Did I mention they got elected through no opinion? the elections were rigged. S-i-g-h! I know that, the entire Karachi knows that, the newspapers mentioned that- and what does good old President say? After the fair and trouble free elections (did I mention more than 25 people got killed during the *trouble free* elections?) investors will definately have faith enough in Pakistan to invest! errr! Oh, yeah. The rigging. Our last Mayor was a great man. He was ranked in top 5 mayors in the world. Second in Asia. After all the parks he built, roads and bridges he built- Karachi seemed like such a developed place. Why would *anyone* in their right minds vote for the mafia? Yes, well, not many did... but the few that did- kept on voting, and voting, and voting. Next to teh rangers too. When asked the rangers why they were't stopping this open cheating they replied "It wasn't their job!" Wonder what Musharraf is doing? Oh well, who can we turn to? The govt? *snickers* the govt is our problem it seems.....
Well, enough about the government. And for people who have read this mumbo jumbo I wrote... I thank you. I assure you there are times I am sane too. Just ask my husband...errr no. Ask me famil...no! just believe me... i am sane at times too :p

the 90/10 principle

2005-09-25T12:28:00.000-07:00

The 90/10 Principle by Stephen Covey

Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life.

What is the 90/10 Principle?
10% of life is made up of what happens to you.
90% of life is decided by how you react.

What does this mean?
We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down.
The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%.

The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%. How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.

Let's use an example.

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just what happened. What happens when the next will be determined by how you react? You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt.
Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave
Immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at
the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terribly. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is D.

You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have
happened. Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time." Grabbing a towel
you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the
bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios.
Both started the same.
Both ended different.
Why? Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction. Here are some ways to apply the 90/10
principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative
comment affects you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out
etc. How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off! Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let
the cars ruin your drive?

Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it. You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out.

Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job. The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration
on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just
make things worse. Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose no thing if you try it.

The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.

The result?
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. There never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days.
Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships. Worry consumes time. Anger breaks friendships
and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest. Friends are lost. Life is a bore and often seems cruel. Does this describe you?
If so, do not be discouraged. You can be different!

Understand and apply the 90/10 principle.It will change your life.

All DatZ HappeNinG

2005-09-20T22:34:00.000-07:00

My husband went to Malaysia for a tour. A lot happened around this event. For example, a pipeline in our kitchen burst sending water two floors down. That meant immediate plumbing and a lot of expense! They had to dig up the kitchen floor to find the desired pipeline! Also, I managed to get food poisoning. Had to go to the hospital at least twice for an IV and injected medicine to stop the throwing up fits! Got in control after 5-6 days! Bad days for me. Yumna was well taken care of since I had shifted to my mom’s place. She had her grand parents as well as two uncles to dote on her. They spoiled her rotten. Well, my budget’s down- way, way down. The plumbing, along with a huge electricity bill really took its toll. I am hoping I wake up one day (in the immediate future) and find out the month has ended. :p

Something I wanted to share. At the time of departure when my husband was waiting in the immigration line he came across a foreigner with her kid. She was standing in the well formed line when she decided she had had enough of the wait and broke the line trying to get ahead. It wasn’t that which got Fawad angry, but the fact that while she was doing this she laughed and commented to her son “This is Pakistan.” Now the condescending and the mocking tone was what really got to Fawad. Of all the dozens of Pakistanis in the queue, she was the one who had broken the rule. He said “do not blame Pakistan for the rules you are breaking.”
Seems she did not like it. After degrading Pakistan as loudly as she could have managed, she now turned to my husband. “I am not talking to you, idiot!” yes, those were precisely her words. What followed was a shouting match. My husband and that woman (I’m sorry but I can’t bring myself to call her a lady!) the star attraction was her kid- who started cursing as loudly as he could. Cursing my husband- words we do not hear, words we hope our kids never learn. And this one here was using them on a man twice his age. The match ended as soon as it had begun. The people politely broke it up. Later, some Pakistanis did approach my husband to tell him he did the right thing. The foreigners were guests in Pakistan and they were treated like guests but when the guests start to humiliate and mock the host, all I can say is, the host should not take that graciously, lying down.
A few things I wondered:
1. We, in Pakistan, know we can get away with speeding, breaking traffic signals, lines and all that stuff. Yet most of us don’t do it. That woman obviously kept the rules she knew she couldn’t get away breaking. And broke the rules she could get away with. What does that tell an onlooker about the people of the two nations?
2. In my twenty three years I have yet to meet a kid who curses someone older than him and two uses that kind of language in front of his mother.
3. What kind of a guest would mock and humiliate their host. Take undue advantage of their hospitality? And worse, think it their due!

Just A Thought

2005-09-01T22:43:00.000-07:00

As an avid reader of books on the super natural, i picked up 'The Vampire Armand' by Anne Rice. It is one of the sequels to 'Interview With The Vampire'.
This book has a lot on Christianity and that was what I did not like. Now here is what I wonder- is it okay morally to sell a book by twisting a religion? Is cashing upon religion- any religion okay? Scorning upon some aspects, making up others? There really was no warning, or I'd have skipped the book.
I think no one has right to cash upon twisting and adding their own bits to anyone's faith.
That was precisely why i disliked 'Da Vinci Code'.
Religion is faith, it is belief. It is not to be probed for logic- like a psychologist/scientist conducting an experiment. no.

TagGeD

2005-08-30T23:08:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by amygeekgrl. It was a long time back...but at last, here it is...

1. What were the three of the stupidest things you’ve done in your life?
a) Letting the stylist talk me into a new and trendy haircut… (Cost me thirteen inches of my long hair I prized!)
b) Getting hooked to one of those chatting softwares. (As bad as smoking/ drinking addiction! After prying myself away, I deleted the program…and still steer clear of it lest I get addicted again!)
c) Hey, most of the arguments I had with my parents were stupid! How I regret those!

2. At the current moment, who has the most influence in your life?
My husband.

3. If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed only five people to dine with, who would you pick?
a) My grand father.
b) My father in law. Someone I never met, but have heard so much about.
And really, I can’t think of anyone else: /

4. If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?
a) I have better control on my emotions.
b) The daily killings (by the dozen) of innocent citizens in Afghanistan, Palestine and Iraq would stop.
c) My country would rid itself of the selfish dictator who is trying to change it for the worst!

5. Someone is visiting your hometown/place where you live at the moment. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.
Two things I regret not having: a round the clock super Market: p and I’d really like more greenery around here!
Two things I want people to avoid: the theatres here and the ‘Sadar’ area (an entire area filled with all kinds of shops… but the traffic is so bad, you feel dehydrated, get a head ache and a bad temper whether you are shopping or just passing by in the car!! It is o popular because of the low prices!)

6. Name one event that has changed your life.
Getting married.

7. Tag three people.
a) Tazeen Mohsin
b) Black Empress
c) Mistress of Magic

A Walking, Talking doll.

2005-08-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

She’s finally walking! Hooray!
She started crawling when she was 5 months and two weeks old. Fawad was at work. I called him up. He came home with movenpick ice cream to celebrate. But urge as I might. Yumna refused to budge! Was the ice cream in vain? Was it a fluke? Sigh!
It was a week later that she started to crawl freely. It was so cool. We’d put something out of reach to tempt her and off she’d go.
The novelty faded when she started standing up using support when she was almost 8 months old. Now we wanted her to walk. She started walking holding on to objects at eight plus months.
“She’ll start walking when she’s nine months old- you just see.” Was what everyone told me.
She turned nine, ten, eleven, her birthday….
I despaired. She refused to let go of support.
After her birthday she started standing without support but did not take a single step. Man, the process sure is slow!
Finally! At twelve plus months she took her first steps. History repeated itself. I called everyone. My husband, my mother, my father- my husband bought a cake home….
She refused to walk!
It was a few days later that she showed my husband she really could walk. A few steps and that was all. As the number of steps increased, (at an extremely slow pace I might add) her grand parents gave us cash- as a gift to her- and asked us to get something for her. And you know what? She still refused to stop crawling and start walking. She would only walk if she felt like it!!
And now, finally, when she is 14+ months she gets up herself and walks. Whew! But she still crawls. Only, now I’m hopeful in two or three days she’ll shift to walk only!
Hopefully.

But she looks so cute when she walks! The small, close steps; balancing herself lest she falls. So like a toy doll! And a doll she is!

Still Not Well

2005-08-19T03:04:00.000-07:00

I haven't been able to write much. Yumna's throwing up seems to be in control but she still has diarrhea. for two days i was relieved since my only problem was her tightly shut mouth and a watery stool once a day. then when she did eat a bit, her diarrhea seems iuncontrollable. I had to put her on medication i had so wanted to avoid. Medication means loss of appetite for Yumna and as it is she weighs only 8.6 kg at 14 mnths. Now, on top of it all, she is on a diet control. The semi solids that i can let her eat are obviously tasteless! Distressing...!

what really did get to me was now even Yumna is losing patience with her condition. On the first night, my little brave girl did not give in to crying. After being subjected to nausea for hours she did not even cry when she threw up. She did not bother waking up her parents but came and sat next to my sleeping form and started playing! it was when she threw up again, some of it touched my hair- and woke me up! She threw up 4-5 times yet not once did she cry. her bravery made me want to cry! now after 4 days, she is weary. the stomach aches are now getting to her. i feel for her, i really do. My poor baby. I'm hoping she gets well soon and her paed is not forced to start an antibiotic!

food poisoning

2005-08-15T23:20:00.000-07:00

Yumna's had a bad night. She ate something that obviously did not suit her. The poor girl was restless till 4 in the morning- then she threw up. b-a-d. i changed the sheets, gave her some water and put her to sleep again. she woke after a short while and after a restless hour or so threw up again. I gave her the medicine, it didn't stay in. A call to her pediatrician, and a trip to the chemist was what followed. The new medicine seems to have worked. Thankfully. But for an active girl she is remarkably quiet. she is now catching up on lost sleep while I decided to do the laundry. 3-4 bedsheets were spoiled, so that means a few extra chores. I just hope she will be fine when she wakes up. It is not a nice feeling- watching your child suffer. The worst feeling in the world!

YumNa'S 1st tEn DaY tRIp

2005-08-11T05:07:00.000-07:00

Amazing? i thought so, at least! I hope you all like them as much as I did!

To Rhett, Love Scarlett

2005-08-09T21:46:00.000-07:00

I doubt You'll Ever Be
As Close To Me As You Were-
I Wonder If You'll Ever See
How You & I Really Were.

You Said I Dont Know
What True Love Means-
I Wonder If You'll Ever Know-
I'm In Love- Or So It Seems.

ButYou Left Me; And Now-
You'll Never Know
How Much I Loved You,
And Whether You Loved Me.

A dietErZ j0uRnAl

2005-08-05T13:17:00.000-07:00

Lactation has given me the freedom I always dreamt of- that is, the freedom to stuff myself however much I want to. As a result I haven’t lost much weight in the past year; but I tell myself I couldn’t possibly diet- it is bad for the child. [;)] The good thing is I hadn’t gained much during pregnancy and it took me just a month to get back from where I started. The bad thing is somehow my inches do not seem to understand I’m back to my pre-pregnancy weight. They adamantly refuse to go down to what they were!! (That might be because I refuse to exercise and refuse to watch what I eat but that’s beside the point.) My only consolation is in the fact that my doctor says inches go down once mothers stop lactating…. I even plan to diet once Yumna stops feeding.. (Ahem- right!)
I mean, it’s not like I eat a lot… as I usually say ‘it’s not how much I eat- it’s what I eat!’ If I stop having ice cream for breakfast; cheese for snacks; skip lunch [see- I do watch what I eat ;)]have mousse cake for dinner and… ( see what I mean)… but back to the topic…all I have to do is get a grip on this sweet tooth of mine… (Make it teeth, all 32 of ‘em!) I’ll be okay!
Jokes aside, since I was once (almost) an anorexic, I still feel the effects. While I enjoy desserts all I want since I am not gaining any weight, all hell would break lose if I actually did! The inches, I’m hoping, will eventually go down… (Hopefully before they get a chance to go up again!!) I do plan on exercising and dieting once I stop lactating- actually I’m hoping to start exercising sooner than that- but it’s much harder than I expected. The agility I once had is not there and my head starts swimming if I do my all time favorite Yoga poses (plough, bridge etc). Where I was once good at endurance I am now out of breadth after climbing three floors. (I live on the fourth; I’ve recently taken to use the staircase rather than the escalator) I haven’t yet started using the Orbitrack I once did (a full body workout machine. Like a bicycle- only you do it standing which gives other muscles a go and the hands move in accordance with the feet!). That’s because I’m worried Yumna would try to join me and that might result getting her hurt. (As it is she wants to join me when I’m typing and using the mouse…and I have to wait for her to take a nap before I use the pc!)
All in all, getting back in shape is hard work. Harder still, if you’ve had a cesarean! Since I’m having this much trouble after my first child I can not even begin to contemplate what happens after my third… (But I’ll have to go through months nausea, sleepless nights and *sHudDeR* labor before that!) so I’ll reserve the contemplation thank you very much!

Its A Beautiful World

2005-08-02T23:11:00.000-07:00

The euphoria I experienced here was beyond words...and whats more Yumna seemed completely at ease whereas her parents continued to shiver even after putting on two sweaters! All I could think was God is Great.... He who made such a beautiful world has to be beautiful Himself!

Hogwarts & All That Jazzzzzzzzzzz (PS DO NOT read it if u haven't read the latest potter bk!!)

2005-08-01T22:01:00.000-07:00

The Potter mania had always eluded me. One would say age has something to do with it, but not really. Had age ever stopped me from laughing at friends when ice cream spills on their shirt, or watching ‘The Mask’ or ‘Scooby Doo’ cartoons entranced or the like, I might’ve told myself Harry Potter is supposed to be for kids. Since this is not the case, I believe I’ve read better books. Now, after reading the latest arrival in the Potter series I consider myself to have been converted into one of those millions of fans all over the world.
The series seems to be getting better by the book. That is seldom the case with writers. The sequels are mostly disappointing. Harry Potter, in my opinion, has never been better.
For one, I’m glad Snape is a villain- never did like that man. [;)] The drama has heightened; the flair of story telling is there; and the characters are at their best.
What I do not like is Rowling getting Dumbledore killed. Sirius Black was killed in the last book- what is this woman doing?! She can’t go on killing the good guys…! I happened to like Dumbledore! *sgH* whatever happened to the good old fashioned storyline of no good guys really dying? Taking in fifty bullets and still fighting- couldn’t they take in fifty curses and still fight?
Hey, Hagrid survived the curses- why not Dumbledore? And oh yeah, what about Horcruxes- maybe Albus Dumbledore had made a horcrux Ms Rowling doesn’t know about? He was a great wizard after all.
See, I’ve got ideas- great many of them. They’d make a great book. If Ms Rowling wants to correspond, I can find time in my busy schedule to fit her. Here’s my contact number…..

Back!

2005-07-31T13:45:00.000-07:00

One thing about having a software engineer for a husband is that you become dependent on him. After two years of marriage I have forgotten how to solve a simple problem, install simple software and even forgotten how the wires fit! Before I was married to him I could solve hardware problems as easily as software problems. Installing or deleting- in short, managing a pc was no problem. Now I lazily leave everything to him and as a result was stranded for a whole month when my pc caught a virus! Now, when finally, this weekend, he needed to work at home- needed it bad, he finally found the time to format the hard disk and install everything all over again. Of course this means I can not find an entire folder containing my documents but who have I to blame but myself! Next time maybe I’ll not be so lazy and do what needs to be done.

At least I’m back ;)

DoWn wItH otHeR m0mS

2005-06-26T14:10:00.000-07:00

My little princess had not yet given me trouble with her diet. I heard other mothers talk about their kids and how they wouldn't eat and would gloat to myself. not for long it seems- for, since the past three or four days she doesn't seem to be hungry! Now I am one of those frustated moms who try everything they can- but to no avail.

Okay, she's never said no to fries. She loves fries- I go make fries.
"Honey- look what we have here... mmmmm tasty!"
Yumna emphatically shakes her head 'no'- a trick she's recently learnt.
"sweetcakes...please, just one..."okay that worked...so far so good. Now that it's in her mouth she'll realise how she likes it and...another emphatic shake!
Gosh honey, no need to get so literal when I said 'just one'!!

I'm on my knees in front of my only child- who just turned one last week and all she does is say no!
Apple? No!
Banana....Gosh, you love banana...why, on our Pakistan tour you ate bananas like.... okay, okay! Point taken!Mango...errr...okay! We'll give it a rest!

Porridge... yeah! This just might work.
Honey, look what we have here... hey! she likes it...cool!wow! two spoons....and now the thir...!
Honey..please; look you used to love it didn't you?
A shake of her head! sigh.

Do other moms really have to spend their days trying to get their lil ones to eat? Sigh!
Adios! I need my rest after all that work!

AnothEr mOrninG

2005-06-22T22:29:00.000-07:00

The Bright sun shines
Yet another morning-
With a whole new everything.
But my thoughts are the same-
where will it lead?
to another dark, gloomy
Painful night-
to another sunshine.
But when?
when will all my pains end?
You have a few months, they say-
To end this joyless life
To stop this endless pain.
They dot know-
Nobody does.
I dont want this life
I dont want this fuss.
The cards they get me;
The presents i recieve-
They mean nothing to me-
Why dont they see?
The dark walls of the hospital-
The evil trapped inside.
And death on guard-
Outside.
The long, lonely painful days;
The long sad nights.
Somehow it stops one,
From enjoying this unfair life.
And i cant help but hope-
That one bright morning-
I find it dark for me.

This is something i found in my old stuff. I'd written it when i was 14-15. An assignment- trying to put in words the thoughts of a sick child...

Announce it loud....!!

2005-06-19T22:57:00.000-07:00

never seek to tell thy love;
love that never told can be

and later

i told my love, i told my love-
i told him all my heart.

Shakespeare.

The King Of Late

2005-06-12T23:10:00.000-07:00

“The king is dead.” These were ill-fated words for some- but golden for many. The king was a cruel man. A proud, disdainful, brutal and harsh species of mankind who considered himself above it. What of him now? Off he goes to a marble tomb with no air and no company for the rest of eternity. Granted that unlike most of the mankind that is buried he will have a larger grave- as large as a room maybe; but what good will it do to him? None whatsoever.

“He has died.”
This was met by tears- of relief; of joy.
“We can now be together- I am, so happy.”
They hugged. Tears streaming down their faces. They were but one of many who had been affected by the cruelty of the late king. Tatiana had refused to marry the seventy two year old barbarous king and as a result had been in hiding for six years now. She had been beautiful- still was. But six years in hiding had given her face premature wrinkles in the forehead and under her eyes. Her eyes that once were an innocent sky blue now had a hardening to them. She had seen the harsh side of life at a very young age. Even though she was now back with her fiancé of seven years she doubted she could ever love him the way she once had. After all, he was a man- just like that unkind king….

“He’s dead, ma.”
The woman with more gray in her hair than black looked up into the eyes of her daughter. Eyes that had anger, hatred and an emotion she couldn’t define. Her eyes on the other hand had only tears. Tears for her fate, tears for the harshness of life, and tears in memory of her dead son. Son who had been killed by ‘the king’s men’ because he had refused to hand his sister over to a friend of ‘his majesty’. The sister was abducted anyway and that was the last they had heard of her. Now it was only her and her youngest daughter left. The tears in her eyes spilled.

“The king,” the speaker said and took a deep breath, “is dead.”
The seven listeners all stood up and began talking excitedly.
“Does that mean we get all our lands back?”
“Can we go back home then please, papa?”
“We will have enough to eat now?”
“We wont go hungry again now, will we?”
“We……”

“That roughshod of a king has finally left us all in peace!”
It had no effect whatsoever on the young widow. She had lost her beloved husband- nothing else mattered. Oh, once she did want revenge- wanted to kill her king with her bare hands. Now she didn’t care. All she wanted was to have her husband back. The death of the king didn’t bring her husband back. Nothing would. She glanced at the cot and the sleeping infant in it. He would grow up without a father. A boy needed a father. It was natural. Yet he wouldn’t have one. One unlucky boy, this. Having lost his father even before he was born. The widow buried her head in her hands and cried yet again…
How one life affects this many and more is astonishing. The effect on their lives doesn’t melt away with that person’s demise. It continues- as they continue to suffer…

Of Lovers- old & New

2005-06-09T23:43:00.000-07:00

The burning leaves in the dreaded autumn
Falling from the desolate branches- dying;
Leaving behind the bare trees. Pitiful.
Stripped of their green gowns.

Two lovers parting- saying farewell;
Autumn- indeed dreadful.

Along the slow path of life
Trudging along comes spring.
The beautiful, colorful, desired delight.
Bringing along flowers and butterflies.

The parted lovers now find new love
Spring- indeed bountiful!

Just another Broken Heart

2005-05-31T09:43:00.000-07:00

Days pass by- he’d stopped looking at the calendar now; his wait long ceased. But had it really? For if it had, he would’ve forgotten about her- or at least stopped thinking about her. He would’ve at least stopped reminiscing the times they spent together; the hours that they shared- and the dreams. He would’ve stopped wondering if she’d been to China yet; or seen the rare white tiger. He would’ve stopped worrying she might really give bungee jumping a try. She could hurt herself that way. He wouldn't think about that formidable temper of hers and hope no one would provoked it- for her sake and theirs. This, he still thought about with a wry smile. A smile on his face that had become a rare phenomenon. As rare as those white tigers of hers.
He still remembered how she sat on the sofa curled up and all ready with popcorn to watch her favorite soap. The one he hated- yet he would listen on to the latest developments with patience that still amazed him. All because she wanted to talk about it. He wondered if she still watched it. He did- at times.
Did she know Sophia got married? He missed her at the wedding. He didn’t want to go- yet he did. He was hoping he’d see her there. She wouldn’t have liked her husband- not really. She would have considered him too proud. He still did that- trying to see people, as she would have. That hampered his judgment. Since they both had such differences in opinion. Yet he couldn’t seem to stop being that way. People said he needed to get over her. He knew he did. He just couldn’t figure out how.
So that was what he had been thinking. He’d give himself one week to get over her. He still had those valiums she used. All those extra bottles she stored. He didn’t throw them away. He figured he might find a use for them. One week he gave himself. Good-bye love.

Unconditional Love

2005-05-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

A smile that lights up the face of a child when he sees his parents is like no other. The trust, affection and love in the smile are enough of make a man out of any cynic.
The mother, sleeping late because of her child, waking countless times in the night for him and changing her entire routine for the little one makes one wonder what propels such behavior.
What then, changes? As he grows old the love does not seem to mature? Somehow, the affection seems lacking- the trust dwindles and as a child becomes a man, at times it changes to distrust.
A feminist changes her views, throws her feminist gear and hugs the maternity wear- loves her child as no other; and loves him unconditionally.
Would she do so, I wonder, if she could foresee the future? If she could see her beloved son escorting his mother to a nursing home- sending a card or so every mother’s day, mind. No one can say the son does not care about the old lady. Why, did he not mail her a card just last year? He’ll mail one this year too- is in no doubt.
If she could foresee the arguments they were to have, the fights, the “I hate you”s flung offhandedly or even those “you don’t really care about me”- would she really have given up her job? Her night’s sleep? Every penny of her savings on his toys, accessories, luxuries, whims? Or would she have forced herself to do as he claimed? ‘Not really cared about him’? That, you see, is the problem with unconditional love. You cannot help it. Their lack of care, lack of understanding and lack of reciprocating the love you give- may hurt you; but you cannot stop yourself from loving them anyway. Hurting- and loving. Hating the turn the events have taken- and loving. Always loving. Merciless unconditional love.

Silence

2005-05-19T13:05:00.000-07:00

The Offensive, placid silence
Gnawing my senses slow
Methodically working the nerves
Worse than the worst of foes.

A Moment Of Enlightenment

2005-05-19T13:03:00.000-07:00

The lights went out and she was suddenly seized by a wave of panic. She was not a person to scare easily. Yet the panic and dread she felt would not go away. As she lay in her bed unmoving she thought, “this is how it will feel when I die. Only, the bed wont be as soft, nor the grave this roomy.” She spread her hands as far as she could, breathing deeply in the air- still cool from the air conditioner that had been on before the light out. “I will not be able to move freely. The air will be murky- suffocating. I will probably have been tied.”
The panic had subsided- leaving only dread behind. She was remembering her colleague who had died last year. “She was young- so young. Death did not care about that, did it? It surrounded her anyway. Her long hair, delicate body- all part of dust now. What did she feel as her soul was extracted from her body? Pain? Dread? Relief? What will I feel? There is no avoiding it. No two ways about it. I will die. What do I have to show for my life? A few useless degrees? A job I spend fifty hours a week on? Who have I been kind to recently? No one. When did I last remember my God? When did I last beg for forgiveness? Can’t remember. Who will help me out? My boss? My friends? Even mothers wont help their children that day- who am I to depend upon friends.”
She kept thinking, sweating- even though the air was still cool. The lights were back. She hadn’t noticed. She was still in a world of her own. She did not know where this had come from.
“ Ah- God; well, the thing is, I was too busy with the job, the outings with my friends, sleeping and entertaining myself to think about this life. Had I the time, the opportunity- no doubt I would’ve worshipped myself to stupor.” She could just see herself nodding with conviction. “You bet I would’ve!”
She gulped. What if she was asked the amount of time she spent being ‘bored’, with ‘nothing to do’ or even the time she wasted away strolling in the malls with no intent on buying anything!?! How many excuses could she think of? When in all honesty, she did not feel like praying.
She wondered had she been born blind and asked God why he had not given her the two standard eyes- and He replied he didn’t feel like it; or worse, since he wasn’t in the mood he felt he ought not to do it; what would she have done? She had never really given her eyes a second thought- not even a first would be more accurate. Yet they were one of her greatest assets. Then there were her ears…. Everything He had given her was worth more than everything she had ever earned. Yet she blatantly refused to thank Him for it all. Where would it all lead? Not to the elevated position one wished for, she was sure. That was why, fifteen minutes after the lights had come on again, the she in question was knelt before her creator begging for forgiveness and asking for enlightenment to the right path

Deception

2005-05-19T12:17:00.000-07:00

I am tired of this pretense. This execrable place I am trapped in. I am expected to compete with friends and foes alike. Only, with friends it is subtle. Rivalry in everything. Why can I not be myself? Why can I not stop worrying how what I do will stand in with what they do? Why can I not do what pleases me rather than doing what will stand out and make friends and foes squirm and writhe with jealousy. Why can I not use the words I like, the style I prefer- rather than flip open the Webster for baffling words and a style that is just not me?
I am exhausted trying to be someone I am not in front of friends. Yet I continue to do so. It is because they continue to do the same with me. Why can they not admit a fault? Why do they have to adorn it so as it appears a rare quality?
Am I a pessimist? I was not always this way. Why have I changed? Why can’t I enjoy life as others do? Take joy in upping someone- and trying to up yet another someone a while after. Once, I valued friends. Went to the reunions regularly; returned all the calls- made a few of my own; got the gifts; tolerated their moods, talks- and smiled in the face of an insult. After all, I had my moments too. I got the gifts too; someone was there to listen to my mumbo jumbo when I was down in the mouth about the reading the weighing scale showed; someone was always there to make sympathizing noises about how unfair my life was.
They are still here. That is the problem. I do not want them anymore. I’d rather gulp down a valium or a Prozac when I’m down- I’d rather eat the Nandos chocolate mousse cake when the weighing scale gives me yet another heart wrenching reading; and I’d rather tell them to get a life and sort out their own dirty problems.
I have it all sorted out- yet I do not do what I want. Deep down I am a coward. And the only consoling thought that I can find in this entire mess is that everyone around me is one.

An Ode

2005-05-19T00:09:00.000-07:00

Mother, the immaculate.
The incarnation of love
The embodiment of strength.

Forgiving the wrongs,
Forgetting the pains
That small smile with love
As I hurt you yet again.

Understanding my fears
Before I put them in words
Cast off my pains
Wiped away my tears.

Looking up with reverence
I know I cannot pay you back.
But I do hope for guidance
Now that I’m on the same track.